You have a goal and a plan; you’re committed to your health and fitness and feeling focused and then BAM a sinister saboteur strikes. For some people the only person sabotaging their efforts is themselves. They go to the gym and train hard only to negate any benefit through poor eating habits. But for others a sinister saboteur is undermining their efforts, throwing them off balance, making them question their goal.
Do you have a Sinister Saboteur in your life?
In my experience, as a trainer, this is something I am very familiar with. Many of my clients are not only fighting a battle with their health, or weight, but additionally their best efforts are being undermined by someone fairly close to them. This might be a ‘friend’, a partner, a work colleague or relative which is why this form of sabotage is so hard to deal with. When it comes to strangers, or vague associates, most of us are able to tell them to ‘stick it’ when it comes to unsolicited advice! When it’s someone closer, emotional attachments make it really tricky.
So here are some typical ploys a sinister saboteur will use, how to recognise them, and a few ideas on how to deal with them!
The ‘I’m concerned about you’ ploy
The saboteur will say things like ‘You’re looking tired’, ‘You’re overdoing it’, ‘I’m concerned for your health’, ‘You’ll get injured’ or ‘It’s bad for your knees’. It may be down to you to educate them as to what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. They may have genuine concerns and simply need to understand the benefits of exercise OR they may be hiding their insecurities about you getting fitter/healthier/leaner because they don’t know how that will affect them!
The Guilt Trip
This is tricky and particularly difficult to deal with. The saboteur will claim that you are neglecting your duties in the home, your children, your work, your relationship; actually anything that will provoke a reaction. It’s hurtful and it cuts deep because it throws you off balance. You’re made to feel guilty and you may feel like giving up your goal at this point because the saboteur has made you feel selfish. Take an honest appraisal of your situation at this point; maybe talk to an independent person, someone you can trust. Examine whether your goal has become all-consuming and other areas of your life are being affected. Remember, there’s a difference in being focused and being completely absorbed. Be focused on your goal but try not to neglect other areas of your life. Having said that NEVER feel guilty when it comes to your health and fitness, it should be your number 1 priority because everything else in your life depends on it, EVERYTHING.
The direct attack
There’s no missing this one. The saboteur will directly criticise your body. They will say ‘you looked better when you were a bit more rounded/thinner/fatter/more muscles/less muscular’ and so on. I’m no psychologist; I can’t say for sure what’s behind this one other than people close to us often feel threatened when we change. When people change their body or lifestyle they often develop a new found confidence and maybe this is what frightens those close to them. Fear and insecurity rears its ugly head; maybe you will make different friends, want to leave them or will have other interests. It is possible that your goals will no longer fit with your friends and you may develop other friendship as a result. It might be that your new found confidence will enable you to leave a toxic relationship. Your Personal Trainer or Health or Fitness Professional can be very helpful under these circumstances. They’ll be able to give you an honest appraisal on where you’re at with your physique and training and if it presents any health concerns by measuring things like body fat, BMI, strength and cv fitness.
The ‘I know better than your trainer’ tactic
As a trainer this one makes me laugh and I can’t be bothered to rise to the bait. However, you may find it confusing to sift through the different advice you’re being given if you’re not a fit-pro. The saboteur will have read something or heard something and now they are the expert on the subject and will question everything on your training programme. If you have set out your goals with your trainer, and they have carried out a number of pre-screening checks, along with regular reviews of your progress you can be reasonably sure they have taken into account everything they need to do in order to plan a safe and effective training programme for you. My best advice is to ignore someone suggesting they know better than your trainer unless they can produce qualifications, client testimonials and some respected research to back up their claim to superior knowledge!
My gangs bigger than your gang
A sinister saboteur will often enlist others to their cause making it easier to launch a group attack! Suddenly you’re best efforts are being questioned by several different people, all of whom have a close relationship with your sinister saboteur. Chances are your sinister saboteur has converted people to their cause. If you suspect this is the case you’ll have to decide whether you want, or need, to explain and put your side over to this new army of detractors or whether you go with the ‘get stuffed’ approach!
Some of us have a name for sinister saboteurs in the Fitness Industry; some of us call them ‘Haters’! Underneath the constant chipping away at your confidence and the criticism lurks fear. Fear that you might achieve something they never could, fear that change in you could bring about a change in your relationship and their world, fear that you are moving forward when they’re just treading water. The best defence against saboteurs is self-confidence and self-belief and surrounding yourself with other people who support your goals. This support may come from other people who share your goals, from a team or group or it may come from your Personal Trainer who can spot sabotage a mile off and will give you the strength to fight it!
My final thoughts on the matter – Someone who genuinely cares for you will never expect you to compromise your health and fitness for them.
Halloween is associated with all things scary, spooky and slightly sinister. But if you really want to be frightened this Halloween look no further than some scary health and fitness facts; be afraid, be very afraid!
Show me the person who says they ‘workout’ and I’ll show you someone who is making no significant gains in strength, speed, or power, or whose weight loss strategy has ground to a halt and bristles when their favourite machine/studio spot/class is unavailable! They are comforted by familiarity and routine.
